How To Spend $115 on Mountain Dew

I’m an entertainer. I like to see people smile, and hear them laugh. I also like to entertain, and put 14 years of “chicken or beef” flight attendant training to good use – a neatly filled ramekin of hummus here or a gently cooked pork tenderloin with sprigs of rosemary there.

So returning from getting passport photos today (why did I go the Post Office of all places to do this?), I stopped by the lair of my evil nemesis The Food Emporium, looking simply for a 20 ounce bottle of Mountain Dew to help keep my energy and focus up as I followed up on several contacts made at last night’s Garden Party and as I applied for a few new positions that opened up at NBCU and MTVN.

But appalled that a 20 ounce bottle cost as much or more than a 2-liter bottle ($1.99 what?), I huffed down the aisles to get more value for my money. Aaaaaaand while I’m here, I should get some bananas for smoothies. And oh yes, the last time I was in Gristede’s they were charging $6.99/lb for ground beef, so I picked up a pound to put in the freezer in case I have a craving at 2am for Macaroni & Cheese hotdish (a Minnesota specialty with ground beef and cream of mushroom soup – a definite step up from Spam goulash, as I learned at my 2nd week in the Pines last year).

Tracking my expenses to the nickel until I have a more steady flow of cash, I realized I have spent less than my budget on groceries, eating out and food for June. (Although truth be told, I would still track my expenses to the nickel because I have a torrid love affair with Excel and her powerful, strapping spreadsheets.) So I also decided to pick up a few staples. A good Minnesota boy can’t go far without Miracle Whip and ketchup.

Suddenly, my little half cart is filled with groceries. Did you know they still make Twinkies? Spongy, greasy, tasty, cream-filled Twinkies. Mmmmmm. And then Haagen-Dazs was on sale. I'm trying to kick the habit, but a 2 pints for $6, it was too good a deal to pass up.

And 40 minutes later I have spent $115 on groceries and wasted yet another two hours that I could have devoted to my job search. But don't worry about swimsuit season - I have a bag of carrots and two large carb-burning celery hearts in the fridge as well. And the weight of carrying the groceries home must have burned at *least* 300 calories. So I'll just have TWO scoops of Haagen-Dazs instead of three (pronounced "five").

Thanks for checking in, oh faithful reader - I'll save some leftovers in the fridge for ya...