It Comes From the Heart

As things get tough, at some point you think - well, it really can't get much worse, can it? I have my health, I have my friends, and I live in one of the greatest and most admired (and/or hated) cities in the world, at the heart of all the action.

But then you wake up early, trying through great inertia to just get some gym clothes on and do a quick 20 minute work out before your lunch meeting with a contact at one of your favorite target companies. Then you decide to put on those flashy Nike sneakers that actually talk to your iPhone. Or at least they're supposed to. You put in the Nike+ sensor, but somehow it's not working. Note to self: another task to distract from the job search - replace that sensor at the Apple store. If they are willing to replace it. Note to self 2: the frustration of having them not replace it could be more worse than the joy of being able to track those workouts.

So at about the same time, you get a text message on the phone that now is *not* willing to be your workout buddy. The person you'd been dating has just decided to reconcile with an ex. In response, you start to tap out: "I'm very happy for you and hope you have a great summer". It's a message that comes from the heart. But so is the OTHER message you almost sent: "thanks for dumping me by text message; you're a douche, and by the way, I hope that tingling feeling ends up being an infection that antibiotics won't cure". See, both messages from the heart - one takes the high road, the other? Much more satisfying. Well, it was only three dates, so what can ya do? No biggie.

But in such matters, no matter what the circumstances, Mister Blister would always opt for the high road, in the high styled tradition of Miss Manners and Carrie Bradshaw (at least SHE got a Post-It). And you still have time to get a good workout in before your networking lunch, which could help re-energize your search and outlook. Just a quick check of email before--

oh CRAP! "Dear Mister Blister, I've had a number of meetings moved around, and am unfortunately not available to meet this week. How does three weeks from next Thursday sound?"

The second response to said ex above may actually apply it this case, but once again...
"Thanks for letting me know. I hope the meetings go well. I certainly look forward to meeting with you in three weeks and sharing information about developments in the industry." Snore. But it comes from the heart. The black heart laboriously lub-dubbing away in the black hole of a pit that is my soul. But it comes from the heart, and that's what's important.

Career options seems to be slimming, and in the far off distance I hear "Peanuts, anyone?" "Would you like chicken or beef?" Chicken or beef? chickenorbeef chknorbeefchknorbeef

xoxo, oh faithful reader - from the heart

For WHAT reason was Mister Blister driven to this desperate attempt to blog?

Welcome back, oh faithful reader. It's good to see you again. Well, not really see you so much as it is nice to have you see me again. Wait, that didn't come out right. But I would like to see you, too. Fill out that little Comments box thing below and let Mister Blister - and all the other readers - know more about you. After all, you're the reason we exist. Or, well, that this blog exists.

Now, down to business. For WHAT reason was Mister Blister driven to write this seminal (or perhaps 'original', ummm, let's say "first-ever") blog? Let's face it, the world has gone to the dogs. Iceland is/was/very nearly ended up in bankruptcy. The US mortgage crisis has caused most of Corporate America to end up on its collective ass. Greece is about to do a Titanic, possibly adding another iceberg to the line of plagues befuddling my beloved Olympics, through implicating Athens 2004 in some kind of money laundering scandal. Or something. And BP is trying to do to the South, what the Yankees already did 150 years ago (yes, it was only 145 years ago, although former President Bush sure seems to be having the last laugh).

As you'll soon see, it takes a while to get to the point. But that point is, with the global economy practically in tatters, being smart, charming, affable and hard working simply isn't enough to get a job. Even McDonalds can require "experience in advanced food service preparation techniques" and "achievement in six sigma customer-oriented dispute resolution" from its most successful candidates.

And I want to work in the television industry. Not just any part of the industry. I love cable TV. I feel it helps ease the pains of daily life through comedy, drama, and general entertainment. I want to be part of bringing that joy into people's homes. TV now has global appeal, and top-rated (usually but not always top-quality) programs are seen in dozens or even hundreds of countries. (Of course, after the break up of the Soviet Union and other Slavic empires, there are so many more to choose from - and I know, I was there - really.)

But to work in any kind of marketing, sales or branding position, all the major players want Digital Media experience. Social networking! I have a facebook page - two actually, though I just learned that's a violation of the Terms Of Service, oops. Apps! Hooray, I can now play Sudoku on the Subway and Shazam! (see prior post on hero-worship) can tell me what song I'm listening to (though I secretly wish it were called Isis! - see same prior post). HTML! I can figure out what means, no problem. Tweeting! Sure, I'll increase my 200 txt msgs per month to 1,500 to handle hearing that Miley Cyrus just had pizza for lunch. Blog! YES, at last Mister Blister can be counted as one of the cyber-cognocenti. Just let Mickey Mouse tell ME I'm not highly experienced in digital marketing. I see your iPad and raise you one handy dandy iPhone 4 (it even multi-tasks, so take that Palm Pre!).

So there's the very long and winding answer to for WHAT reason Mister Blister started a blog - to be a vital and vituperative participant in the digital age and demostrate professional proficiency in its evolution.

Disclaimer - I really wanted to have an introductory series of posts covering Who, What, Why, When and Where to have some kind of alliterative theme. Yup, saying 'for WHAT reason' *is* really just cheating by using two WHYs, with one in disguise, but it's my blog, so there. Life isn't fair. Watch out for blisters.

But I do like to keep things on a positive note, lest I become too snarky. As my career advisor ('life coach' is soooo '00s) likes to remind me, it is Show Time. Someone in HR could at this very moment be looking for a reason to screen me right out of contention for that job as a financial operations specialist (cashier) or starched cuisine captain (french fry operator). So in the immortal words of Herve Villachaize "Welcome To Fanta--", no wait. He said "boss, de plane, de plane". [tangent coming=> ] Ugh, how I wish I were on a plane right now. I'll go to Peoria, Poughkeepsie or Padukah - just let me soar once more! (This will become clearer in future posts; stay tuned, oh faithful reader.)

Yours truly,
Mister Blister

P.S. Did you know that with Google's blogger.com tool thing that you can't paste text into the blog box? How crazy is that? Or am I doing a total Betty White in not being able to figure it out.
P.P.S. Did you know that if you try to select all the text in the blog box, if you use the up arrow more times than there are lines of text - EVERYTHING YOU'VE WRITTEN vanishes in a poof of smoke? I didn't know that. I learned the hard way. And you can't type it somewhere else to be on the safe side and paste it in the damn blog box. Wow, that'll cause a blister on the path called Life.

And WHY is he (or she??) writing an Unguide to Unemployment

So only three posts in, and I already realize I have edits to make. I wanted to use the Who, What, Why, When, Where theme in getting started - it's simple, it's practical, and it's informative. Only I ran out of topics for the WHAT and had two topics for the WHY, so I cheated and turned one of the WHYs into a 'for WHAT reason'. Pretty lame, but I got away with it, dontcha think?

But isn't Kismet, just a BITCH! After going through all that rationalization, I realize my second WHY should have been WHAT after all - a WHAT (the hell) is an Unguide to Unemployment.

So since there are few rules on the Interweb, allow me to digress. It is, after all, what I do best. But I'll actually stick to the point and rather digress from the the 'WHY' constraint of this post.

An Unguide is sort of a way NOT to do things. Let's say you have a job, and then you leave that job (for reasons to be disclosed in the future). Then let's say that you have a tremendous amount of enthusiasm in the weeks that follow. You get great advice from co-workers before leaving. You set up literally 25 meetings to connect with people over the ensuing 2-3 weeks. You start to see a few postings that could end up being the dream of your jobs.

Then let's say everyone starts to tell you how the job market has improved, but it's still really tough out there. Then your personal surrogate Developmental Autonomy Department (your shrink) wants to delve into the deeper issues and emotions around your departure from that great job. And then you start to realize your boss was very uncommunicative, rarely gave any praise, and only infrequently helped you fix your mistakes since (s)he was used to figuring out everything on (her/his) own.

And then you start to struggle to see your true accomplishments and crowning achievements from a job you worked so hard at for nearly three years. Living in New York City, you often have to be the Best of the Best, the Cream of the Crop and always at the Top of your Game. It's pretty daunting without a team of friends, lovers, mentor, stylists, managers and producers to keep you running on all cylinders. Christina Aguilera doesn't roll out of bed looking that Bionic all by herself, you know. And it can be a pretty damning head game to have to keep your morale and self-esteem up in the Big Pond swimming with the sharks.

So yeah, you have friends, but they're all so *busy*. People start to reschedule appointments and meetings, then reschedule what they rescheduled. But "that's alright, that's OK, they're gonna work for US one day". (Sorry, couldn't resist a little plug for my college's favorite taunt when our football team was getting its pigskins slaughtered by the not-quite-as-affluent opposing team, in spite of the University being very community service oriented and pretty humble as far as Top-20-wanting-to-be-Top-10 schools go.) But in the end, those 25 meetings dwindle to 15, and the next 10 are increasingly harder to confirm.

So then you turn to the so-called Free Resume Critique offered by The Ladders. Some 22-year old brat living in his mom's basement in Hackensack decides to write a 6-page sonnet evicerating your resume, and just about every belief you've held about what makes an impression and gets interviews. What, no Objective Statement? Why how will anyone know what you're good at other than the bulleted accomplishments you have listed before your experience! What, only two pages? Anyone with more than four years experience and a degree has 3-, 4- or even more pages to their resume; everyone knows that! What, no quantitative bullet points to demonstate your ROI to prospective employers? I mean, other than the 7 or 8 you already have listed under your 4 most recent jobs. But HEY, for just a small fee of $695, we can completely *revolutionize* your resume, and get results. But all they've done is throw more self-doubt onto your accomplishments and ability to market yourself, all for their own greedy commercial ends. But don't worry, I haven't turned socialist yet, God Forbid! I still consume fast food, purchase unnecessary electronics and rack up credit card debt like a good Right Wing American, contributing to the re-stabilization of the economy. Just not through The Ladders' so-called Resume Writing scam.

So yup, I'm unemployed. Yup, I get roughly $10/hour in unemployment, or 1/10 of what I made 10 months ago. Yup, I don't have an idea of how to pay my rent in 15 days without taking out a cash advance at 21.99% APR, and that's with a 713 credit score. Something doesn't seem right here. I went to business school (a pretty good one). I paid my dues (union dues were $42/month when I left the airline industry 5 years ago). But sometimes your heart doesn't connect with what your mind knows it needs to do. There will no doubt be calls of "quit your whining and just do it" in the Comments section, but believe me, if it were that easy, this blog wouldn't exist.

In other words, this is a guide of how not to move through unemployment, and all the mistakes that are so easy to make along the way. Kind of an Unguide to Unemployment. Oh no, I feel another snarky moment coming on. Too, late, I'm already overcome; yelp!

Yes, there are Guides that tell you - get out of bed every day at 8am, go to the gym and get a Fresh Start on your rose-colored Day! There are Guides that tell you, go to the library, go to a cafe, go to your alumni career services office and meet with a career counselor. Wow, how 'bout that, my future is just solved in 20 minutes and I'll have whiter teeth in 30 days, no less.

Except for that one little overriding factor. I JUST DON'T FEEL UP TO IT!!!!! Sure, I can try to spout self-loving mantras to reaffirm my self-worth. Sure, I can make little Post-It's with 3 Things I Will Accomplish To-day. But this is New York. Somehow it's more fun to play the tortured artist, and blog about the situation rather than joining Doris Day's Mighty Shangri-La of precious and precocious little worker nymphs.

And at that very instant, Mister Blister has reached the end of "Why an Unguide to Unemployment".

Stay tuned, oh faithful reader...

So WHO is this Mister Blister?

Well, the short answer is that Mister Blister is just a name that popped into my head this morning. Maybe it was divine intervention. Maybe it was a subtle something lurking in the back of my unconscious for weeks, maybe years.

But more likely, it has something to do with liking superheroes as a kid. I grew up without a dad and a single mom who was rarely around (or in a very good mood), and superheroes provided the role models that were lacking in my life. Lynda Carter in Wonder Woman (mostly just the first WWII-based season), Lindsay Wagner in the Bionic Woman (the *real* Bionic Woman, not the massacred Bizarro-world version creatively un-adapted by Laeta Kalogridis in 2007) and the family dynamic created by the Justice League of America allowed my imagination to run free and unbridled and foresee a great escape from poverty, humble beginnings and the inevitable boredom of growing up in rural but-we-considered-ourselves-suburban Minnesota. (Hint they don't usually have an 80-acre farm across from your high school in the suburbs, but that would change within 10 years of graduation.)

So in the vein of Mister Terrific, Mister Fantastic, Mister Miracle, and even Mister Ed (it's too hard to spell Mr. Mxyzptlk), I wanted a flashy name, something that rhymed. But there was already a Mister Twister. Hmmmm, what would be catch and memorable?

Then it dawned on me that life is hard, life is not fair, and life can grate on you, especially in the abrasive and ultimately competitive New York City. Since taking up running last summer, I've been thankfully blessed to suffer from few blisters on my feet (thank you Nike Shox). I haven't been so fortunate in other areas of my life, and while not bitter about the twists and turns of fate, it does sometimes feel like my soul gets blisters from walking down the metaphorical pathway called life.

So hence, Mister Blister was created. But really; just WHO is this Mister Blister? Well, our author...

... lives in New York...
... is gay (and by virtue of being a card-carrying homo, extreeeeemely witty; or is it snide? well, let's just go with snarky)...
... recently left a position in the music industry, and at a not very good time in the economy...
... loves languages and used to travel the world professionally...
... has roots in early New Wave and modern "dance rock" like Franz Ferdinand and Gossip (or The Band Formerly Known as 'The' Gossip)...
... while not a hero of the Super kind, has indeed joined the ranks of another band of heroes, with a dedication and commitment to helping others in the community...
... wants very much to share the story of what it's like to try to find one's place in the world.

More will become clear as the posts unfold.
Stay tuned oh faithful reader.

Day 60 - Let the Unfun Unbegin

Welcome to the first posting of Mister Blister's (un)Guide to (un)Employment.

Yup, this is my first blog.
Yup, I was caught in the unemployment fad of 2009 (but wasn't claimed by the movement until 2010).
Yup, there are so far 0.00 (zero-point-zero-zero) people following this blog.
Nope, I have no idea where this will take me - but bejezuz, what a better way to understand the growth of social networking and the so-called Digital Media than to be an active participant in the Wonderful Word of Blogging (ahem, "...World of Blogging", that is)?

So just WHO is this Mister Blister?
For WHAT reason was Mister Blister driven to this desperate attempt to enter the future, or ah, "modern" age?
And WHY is he (or she??) writing an Unguide to Unemployment, whatever the hell that is?
And just WHEN will all be revealed?
The one question that will be answered immediately is WHERE you can follow these exploits.

Why right HERE at Mister Blister's Unguide to Unemployment, silly goose.
Stay tuned, oh faithful reader.