Why Does Buying a New Computer Suck Buckshot?

(Note: this blog contains lots of I/T geektail [geeky detail] that may put our most faithful readers to sleep - please follow directions from the last post and get $115 to buy yourself a Mountain Dew before reading further.)

Rather unfortunately, my Sony VAIO computer is mentally ill. It's also two shakes away from being an self-amputee as various pieces of plastic-disguised-as-high-quality-carbon-composites fall off. Since they don't have an insane asylum for laptops, that means it's time to buy a replacement. There seems to be a common thread in my life with alternating positive and negative experiences with Sony, but I think I'm finally ready to cut the cord and end it once and for all (my idiotic pattern of buying a VAIO, having it break twice as fast at four times the price of the leading brand, getting frustrated, SWEARING I'll never get another Sony, then getting seduced by the newest model's sexy exterior, glistening screen, powerful underchassis, and Hamptons-esque price tag).

But what does this have to do with unemployment, and how does it enter this Unguide - the place for all the things not to do when trying to find a job? Well, in today's digital age, it's would be damn near, if not literally, impossible to get a job without a solid, efficient and reliable computer for:
- revising resumes
- sending emails
- Internet Exploring job openings
- getting invitations to networking events
- applying through those appalling online career sites
- printing out resumes
- looking at LinkedIn, RSS Feeds, Twittering about Tweets, Tweeting about Twits, Facebooking, friending, forwarding, flipping, flopping, flapping, and Digg-ing
(In case you're wondering, that last one is just a feeble attempt to increase my search hits by using popular keywords while demonstrating digital marketing savvy.)

So back to why buying a new computer suxx. First of all, most of the commercial sites don't have a lot of detailed information, or a weird way of comparing, or a list of specs that are not close to what matters, like does the slate gunmetal gray look better than the lava black. Take the processor for instance - will I really notice the difference between an Intel i5 at 2.66GHz and "turbo boost" to 3.06GHz versus the Intel i7 at 2.81GHz and boost to 3.17GHz. Probably not. And if I did, I should be making a lot more money in this market with skills and knowledge like that!

In the end it came down to this: I looked at some computers in real-life at Best Buy and realized what was wrong with my current computer - aside from the right-click button not working, the screen's left hinge being broken, the Windows 7 upgrade freezing every time I have more than 5 browser windows open and having a headphone jack that only works in one ear. When looking at emails, spreadsheets and documents, the newfangled 16:9 "high def aspect ratio" leaves me with too little vertical space and useless horizontal borders. One easy way to fix that: find a laptop with a screen that rotates from landscape to portrait (with actual computing accumen unlike the iTampon, or whatever it's called). Or, ummm: get a bigger computer. Ooooh, how in love I was with my brain-dead VAIO's compact design and light-as-a-feather weight. I nearly got a Netbook if I could have found one with a DVD player, but that apparently defies what the definition of a Netbook is.

And once I decided just maybe bigger is better (in terms of computer screen size), I noticed some of these computers have keyboards which come with a number pad on the side. Whoa, now that's HOT! I never thought much of them until I had one on my desktop at work, and rarely ever use the fake number pad inconveniently placed on the right side of the u, j and m keys. And the other thing I've been waiting 6 years for is a back-lit keyboard. Ooooh, how I just love to write emails (and drafts of cheesy romance novels) at 2am with nothing but the flicker of late-nite TV programming to light the room. I even bought a USB clip-on light to help a few years ago, but that's about as useful as a plug-in heat lamp in the Sahara (Sex and the City 2 reference, in case you missed it, oh faithful one).

During a jaunt to the local BestBuy to return my wireless router which Belkin customer support fried while on the phone once, I decided to saunter down to the laptop section and browse the goods. After some extensive conversations with the only sales rep on the floor, I managed narrow it down to the Toshiba or the... no. Say it isn't so. I won't do it. But. It's pretty. And not as expensive as the last one. Dangit! The only other model that seemed to give me the features and style I was looking for was a Sony F12U3C456K model. Sigh. So having had my computer freeze up 4 times in the last week, losing two blog post drafts and the screen snap out of place twice in 8 hours, I knew I had to act quickly. I mean, if I had been actually going to IvyExec or the Ladders that day, and found a job I wanted to apply to, it wouldn't do me any good if I couldn't craft an eloquent response to a potential employer because my VAIO was in 35 pieces on floor, would it? (Note: the initial damage would be a computer in three pieces when the screen snaps off - the remaining 32 come from violently throwing what's left of the computer against the concrete 10' ceiling, and whacking the cascading silicon remains with a graphite tennis racket.) Besides, it was a Thursday, and I had all day Friday to hunt the concrete jungle for that career to end all careers, right?

And that kicked off a rather exhaustive 9 hour comparison one I got home of Toshiba Satellite T40s, L650s, M480s, A660s, qrst9000s and whatever other models they have all of which differed by 3 components, with no explanation of why the L650 with the i5 processor and 4GB of RAM was more expensive than the R2D2-670 with an i7 processor and 6GB of RAM. Then a miracle happened. I begrudgingly surfed (more like doggie paddled) on over to the sonystyle website and got one of those cutesy little pop-up floating menu screens saying "would you like to chat with a live representative?" just like when you make reservations at aa.com (it's pretty cool actually - an airline representative will call YOU?; brilliant marketing). So I chatted and asked which model met my needs best. Of course their answer was the Z-series which started at $1999 and didn't have the number pad, as opposed to the EB-series which started at $699 and did. But I was amazed that as I asked a few questions and browsed the various offerings and specs, the customer service person actually was able to answer all of my questions. All of them. Every one. Even when I asked what the difference in size between the track pads was across three of the product lines. She even told me when I joked that I wished I could trade-in my old VAIOs like when you buy a new car, that any Sony store would accept them and give me some in-store credit value or something. That of course predicates wanting to ever buy another piece of Sony electronics. And would probably give me even less value than my ill-fated "bonus" (about half a paycheck) that Sony so graciously sent me after leaving the company and saving over $3 million in marketing expenditures so the fat cats could make the next installment on their 45' yachts. But I digress. (Like you didn't see that coming.)

In the end, I had customized and configured a beautiful Sony VAIO EB36-21-hut-hut and a solid Toshiba Satellite A660-TSe1i0t, for $1700 and $1400 respectively (both, of course, with Office 2010 Professional pre-loaded, because I DON'T STEAL software. Or music. I'm old-school like that.) And 10 seconds before hitting the Check-out button on the Sony (god save me), I noticed a pre-configured Toshiba with the i5 processor, 4MB of RAM, 500GB hard drive, number pad (for all that Excel I do), backlit keyboard, double-finger entry trackpad like on the iPhone, and Music-while-the-computer-Sleeps with Harmon-Kardon speakers for only $699. Whoa, that's a good price. And wouldn't you know that just as I was about to checkout and click Pay Now, I decided to quickly check some online reviews. Most reviewers had reviled the new VAIO models, and the Toshiba was too new to have comments or analysis. I finally found one site that had a post, and just as it opened - wouldn't you know - my entire system hemmoraged white light. The pointer disappeared, all the open windows went blank, and the desktop started sputtering. It took me 15 minutes of trying different keyboard shortcuts and trying to grab at different programs to close them out. I finally snatched one of the gadgets and closed it freeing a few kb of memory. That allowed me to find another one and close it freeing up a few more kb and so on until I was able to close Outlook and Excel. Yup. It's time for a new computer. After closing almost all the open applications, I finally got back to the order screen, and clicked OK. And then got one of those pesky "Please Log In to your Account" screens. LUCKILY, the cart still had everything saved and ready to go. Whew! Technology pleases. And technology pains.

But the day was not a complete loss from a career development perspective. One of my favorite entertainment conglomerates had a Pride Mixer in Murray Hill. I put on a nice shirt and suit, slinked to the subway and was fortunate to get an air conditioned subway before too long. But the walk from the subway to the bar was a little less forgiving. It was only 6 blocks, but at 92F in the shade, it didn't take long before I was panting like a chocolate lab. At one intersection some snooty banker and his drinking buddies were lined up 5-across as I was trying to step onto the curb from the street. All I could say in my heat-stroked fervor was "Really? Really." Five steps later I hear the prick shout "yeah, dude, really". Bankers. Really.

I few minutes later I get to the venue, looking forward to seeing old colleagues, and hopefully a few future ones, as well. But what I didn't realize was that JPMorganChaseCitiBankofWherever was also a sponsor. And they invited two friends, and so on, and so on, until probably more than half the people there were from areas very much outside of the entertainment biz. At least they did kick in a few bucks to sponsor some killer appetizers. But even the people who I feel are normally friends were just dismissive, or drunk-sloppy or looking around aimlessly for something better to come along and not even trying to engage, other than the obligatory introductions to the other people in their group who were similarly disinterested. Maybe I just didn't have my "he's-hot" face on. Or maybe it was the bankers. Really! And that was supposed to be the pinnacle [networking] event of Pride Week. More actually came of the Garden Party when I was in a baseball cap and t-shirt. Go figure.

But aside from all that, I did have a contact at one of the channels forward my resume for a finance position to her/his HR contact with a recommendation they bring me in for a meeting. That was nice. And there was also an email from the alumni office with a contact at a bank looking for an equity research associate to cover the entertainment and digital space. That might be cool. Aside from the bankers. Let's see if Mister Blister is singing a different tune in a few months. (After all, it would be good to get some modeling experience to eventually be more competitive for strategy positions; and they can't ALL be self-aggrandizing, ego-inflated, philosophically immature immoralists, can they?) Maybe there'd be an opportunity to conduct research in other languages and travel to other countries or offices to get a real sense of the pulse of the industry. Alas, probably just a pipe dream. Did I mention I love planes, and getting on them yet? Well, that may not exactly work out, but it's always a good idea to keep one's options open. And have a computer that works. And stay out of the heat if it has a tendency to make you bitchy (-ier than usual). And eat your peas. And look both ways before crossing. And cross your 'i's and dot your 't's. And wash behind your ears... and...

OK, faithful reader, signing out for now.
M Blister

For WHAT reason was Mister Blister driven to this desperate attempt to blog?

Welcome back, oh faithful reader. It's good to see you again. Well, not really see you so much as it is nice to have you see me again. Wait, that didn't come out right. But I would like to see you, too. Fill out that little Comments box thing below and let Mister Blister - and all the other readers - know more about you. After all, you're the reason we exist. Or, well, that this blog exists.

Now, down to business. For WHAT reason was Mister Blister driven to write this seminal (or perhaps 'original', ummm, let's say "first-ever") blog? Let's face it, the world has gone to the dogs. Iceland is/was/very nearly ended up in bankruptcy. The US mortgage crisis has caused most of Corporate America to end up on its collective ass. Greece is about to do a Titanic, possibly adding another iceberg to the line of plagues befuddling my beloved Olympics, through implicating Athens 2004 in some kind of money laundering scandal. Or something. And BP is trying to do to the South, what the Yankees already did 150 years ago (yes, it was only 145 years ago, although former President Bush sure seems to be having the last laugh).

As you'll soon see, it takes a while to get to the point. But that point is, with the global economy practically in tatters, being smart, charming, affable and hard working simply isn't enough to get a job. Even McDonalds can require "experience in advanced food service preparation techniques" and "achievement in six sigma customer-oriented dispute resolution" from its most successful candidates.

And I want to work in the television industry. Not just any part of the industry. I love cable TV. I feel it helps ease the pains of daily life through comedy, drama, and general entertainment. I want to be part of bringing that joy into people's homes. TV now has global appeal, and top-rated (usually but not always top-quality) programs are seen in dozens or even hundreds of countries. (Of course, after the break up of the Soviet Union and other Slavic empires, there are so many more to choose from - and I know, I was there - really.)

But to work in any kind of marketing, sales or branding position, all the major players want Digital Media experience. Social networking! I have a facebook page - two actually, though I just learned that's a violation of the Terms Of Service, oops. Apps! Hooray, I can now play Sudoku on the Subway and Shazam! (see prior post on hero-worship) can tell me what song I'm listening to (though I secretly wish it were called Isis! - see same prior post). HTML! I can figure out what means, no problem. Tweeting! Sure, I'll increase my 200 txt msgs per month to 1,500 to handle hearing that Miley Cyrus just had pizza for lunch. Blog! YES, at last Mister Blister can be counted as one of the cyber-cognocenti. Just let Mickey Mouse tell ME I'm not highly experienced in digital marketing. I see your iPad and raise you one handy dandy iPhone 4 (it even multi-tasks, so take that Palm Pre!).

So there's the very long and winding answer to for WHAT reason Mister Blister started a blog - to be a vital and vituperative participant in the digital age and demostrate professional proficiency in its evolution.

Disclaimer - I really wanted to have an introductory series of posts covering Who, What, Why, When and Where to have some kind of alliterative theme. Yup, saying 'for WHAT reason' *is* really just cheating by using two WHYs, with one in disguise, but it's my blog, so there. Life isn't fair. Watch out for blisters.

But I do like to keep things on a positive note, lest I become too snarky. As my career advisor ('life coach' is soooo '00s) likes to remind me, it is Show Time. Someone in HR could at this very moment be looking for a reason to screen me right out of contention for that job as a financial operations specialist (cashier) or starched cuisine captain (french fry operator). So in the immortal words of Herve Villachaize "Welcome To Fanta--", no wait. He said "boss, de plane, de plane". [tangent coming=> ] Ugh, how I wish I were on a plane right now. I'll go to Peoria, Poughkeepsie or Padukah - just let me soar once more! (This will become clearer in future posts; stay tuned, oh faithful reader.)

Yours truly,
Mister Blister

P.S. Did you know that with Google's blogger.com tool thing that you can't paste text into the blog box? How crazy is that? Or am I doing a total Betty White in not being able to figure it out.
P.P.S. Did you know that if you try to select all the text in the blog box, if you use the up arrow more times than there are lines of text - EVERYTHING YOU'VE WRITTEN vanishes in a poof of smoke? I didn't know that. I learned the hard way. And you can't type it somewhere else to be on the safe side and paste it in the damn blog box. Wow, that'll cause a blister on the path called Life.

And WHY is he (or she??) writing an Unguide to Unemployment

So only three posts in, and I already realize I have edits to make. I wanted to use the Who, What, Why, When, Where theme in getting started - it's simple, it's practical, and it's informative. Only I ran out of topics for the WHAT and had two topics for the WHY, so I cheated and turned one of the WHYs into a 'for WHAT reason'. Pretty lame, but I got away with it, dontcha think?

But isn't Kismet, just a BITCH! After going through all that rationalization, I realize my second WHY should have been WHAT after all - a WHAT (the hell) is an Unguide to Unemployment.

So since there are few rules on the Interweb, allow me to digress. It is, after all, what I do best. But I'll actually stick to the point and rather digress from the the 'WHY' constraint of this post.

An Unguide is sort of a way NOT to do things. Let's say you have a job, and then you leave that job (for reasons to be disclosed in the future). Then let's say that you have a tremendous amount of enthusiasm in the weeks that follow. You get great advice from co-workers before leaving. You set up literally 25 meetings to connect with people over the ensuing 2-3 weeks. You start to see a few postings that could end up being the dream of your jobs.

Then let's say everyone starts to tell you how the job market has improved, but it's still really tough out there. Then your personal surrogate Developmental Autonomy Department (your shrink) wants to delve into the deeper issues and emotions around your departure from that great job. And then you start to realize your boss was very uncommunicative, rarely gave any praise, and only infrequently helped you fix your mistakes since (s)he was used to figuring out everything on (her/his) own.

And then you start to struggle to see your true accomplishments and crowning achievements from a job you worked so hard at for nearly three years. Living in New York City, you often have to be the Best of the Best, the Cream of the Crop and always at the Top of your Game. It's pretty daunting without a team of friends, lovers, mentor, stylists, managers and producers to keep you running on all cylinders. Christina Aguilera doesn't roll out of bed looking that Bionic all by herself, you know. And it can be a pretty damning head game to have to keep your morale and self-esteem up in the Big Pond swimming with the sharks.

So yeah, you have friends, but they're all so *busy*. People start to reschedule appointments and meetings, then reschedule what they rescheduled. But "that's alright, that's OK, they're gonna work for US one day". (Sorry, couldn't resist a little plug for my college's favorite taunt when our football team was getting its pigskins slaughtered by the not-quite-as-affluent opposing team, in spite of the University being very community service oriented and pretty humble as far as Top-20-wanting-to-be-Top-10 schools go.) But in the end, those 25 meetings dwindle to 15, and the next 10 are increasingly harder to confirm.

So then you turn to the so-called Free Resume Critique offered by The Ladders. Some 22-year old brat living in his mom's basement in Hackensack decides to write a 6-page sonnet evicerating your resume, and just about every belief you've held about what makes an impression and gets interviews. What, no Objective Statement? Why how will anyone know what you're good at other than the bulleted accomplishments you have listed before your experience! What, only two pages? Anyone with more than four years experience and a degree has 3-, 4- or even more pages to their resume; everyone knows that! What, no quantitative bullet points to demonstate your ROI to prospective employers? I mean, other than the 7 or 8 you already have listed under your 4 most recent jobs. But HEY, for just a small fee of $695, we can completely *revolutionize* your resume, and get results. But all they've done is throw more self-doubt onto your accomplishments and ability to market yourself, all for their own greedy commercial ends. But don't worry, I haven't turned socialist yet, God Forbid! I still consume fast food, purchase unnecessary electronics and rack up credit card debt like a good Right Wing American, contributing to the re-stabilization of the economy. Just not through The Ladders' so-called Resume Writing scam.

So yup, I'm unemployed. Yup, I get roughly $10/hour in unemployment, or 1/10 of what I made 10 months ago. Yup, I don't have an idea of how to pay my rent in 15 days without taking out a cash advance at 21.99% APR, and that's with a 713 credit score. Something doesn't seem right here. I went to business school (a pretty good one). I paid my dues (union dues were $42/month when I left the airline industry 5 years ago). But sometimes your heart doesn't connect with what your mind knows it needs to do. There will no doubt be calls of "quit your whining and just do it" in the Comments section, but believe me, if it were that easy, this blog wouldn't exist.

In other words, this is a guide of how not to move through unemployment, and all the mistakes that are so easy to make along the way. Kind of an Unguide to Unemployment. Oh no, I feel another snarky moment coming on. Too, late, I'm already overcome; yelp!

Yes, there are Guides that tell you - get out of bed every day at 8am, go to the gym and get a Fresh Start on your rose-colored Day! There are Guides that tell you, go to the library, go to a cafe, go to your alumni career services office and meet with a career counselor. Wow, how 'bout that, my future is just solved in 20 minutes and I'll have whiter teeth in 30 days, no less.

Except for that one little overriding factor. I JUST DON'T FEEL UP TO IT!!!!! Sure, I can try to spout self-loving mantras to reaffirm my self-worth. Sure, I can make little Post-It's with 3 Things I Will Accomplish To-day. But this is New York. Somehow it's more fun to play the tortured artist, and blog about the situation rather than joining Doris Day's Mighty Shangri-La of precious and precocious little worker nymphs.

And at that very instant, Mister Blister has reached the end of "Why an Unguide to Unemployment".

Stay tuned, oh faithful reader...

So WHO is this Mister Blister?

Well, the short answer is that Mister Blister is just a name that popped into my head this morning. Maybe it was divine intervention. Maybe it was a subtle something lurking in the back of my unconscious for weeks, maybe years.

But more likely, it has something to do with liking superheroes as a kid. I grew up without a dad and a single mom who was rarely around (or in a very good mood), and superheroes provided the role models that were lacking in my life. Lynda Carter in Wonder Woman (mostly just the first WWII-based season), Lindsay Wagner in the Bionic Woman (the *real* Bionic Woman, not the massacred Bizarro-world version creatively un-adapted by Laeta Kalogridis in 2007) and the family dynamic created by the Justice League of America allowed my imagination to run free and unbridled and foresee a great escape from poverty, humble beginnings and the inevitable boredom of growing up in rural but-we-considered-ourselves-suburban Minnesota. (Hint they don't usually have an 80-acre farm across from your high school in the suburbs, but that would change within 10 years of graduation.)

So in the vein of Mister Terrific, Mister Fantastic, Mister Miracle, and even Mister Ed (it's too hard to spell Mr. Mxyzptlk), I wanted a flashy name, something that rhymed. But there was already a Mister Twister. Hmmmm, what would be catch and memorable?

Then it dawned on me that life is hard, life is not fair, and life can grate on you, especially in the abrasive and ultimately competitive New York City. Since taking up running last summer, I've been thankfully blessed to suffer from few blisters on my feet (thank you Nike Shox). I haven't been so fortunate in other areas of my life, and while not bitter about the twists and turns of fate, it does sometimes feel like my soul gets blisters from walking down the metaphorical pathway called life.

So hence, Mister Blister was created. But really; just WHO is this Mister Blister? Well, our author...

... lives in New York...
... is gay (and by virtue of being a card-carrying homo, extreeeeemely witty; or is it snide? well, let's just go with snarky)...
... recently left a position in the music industry, and at a not very good time in the economy...
... loves languages and used to travel the world professionally...
... has roots in early New Wave and modern "dance rock" like Franz Ferdinand and Gossip (or The Band Formerly Known as 'The' Gossip)...
... while not a hero of the Super kind, has indeed joined the ranks of another band of heroes, with a dedication and commitment to helping others in the community...
... wants very much to share the story of what it's like to try to find one's place in the world.

More will become clear as the posts unfold.
Stay tuned oh faithful reader.

Day 60 - Let the Unfun Unbegin

Welcome to the first posting of Mister Blister's (un)Guide to (un)Employment.

Yup, this is my first blog.
Yup, I was caught in the unemployment fad of 2009 (but wasn't claimed by the movement until 2010).
Yup, there are so far 0.00 (zero-point-zero-zero) people following this blog.
Nope, I have no idea where this will take me - but bejezuz, what a better way to understand the growth of social networking and the so-called Digital Media than to be an active participant in the Wonderful Word of Blogging (ahem, "...World of Blogging", that is)?

So just WHO is this Mister Blister?
For WHAT reason was Mister Blister driven to this desperate attempt to enter the future, or ah, "modern" age?
And WHY is he (or she??) writing an Unguide to Unemployment, whatever the hell that is?
And just WHEN will all be revealed?
The one question that will be answered immediately is WHERE you can follow these exploits.

Why right HERE at Mister Blister's Unguide to Unemployment, silly goose.
Stay tuned, oh faithful reader.